Indecisive Minds
by unco vs clueless
Summary: When disaster strikes, Kel and Neal are forced to decide whats really important to them. Can tragedy be destiny? How important is your heart? Just how many more ways can the sterotypical KN ball scene be written? GUARANTEED FLUFF!
1. Ch 1 We're off to see the foreteller

Hey people! This is Jay... so yeah... my actual account is LJ4Neal.. make sure you check out my fics! Lol... well, yeah, there really isn't m uch to say... only that this fic is already up in my account, but since its joint... i've put it in a new account that i've made with my buDdy JILL!!! lol... she's really kool... newaiz, the way that this goes, is that I am NEAL since i'm obsessed with him... and she is KEL... and we are alternating chapters... so yeah... you should get it eventually... you might also recognise the different styles of writing we use... lol... although they are kinda similar in a way... newaiz... have fun!!! I am not updating this same fic on my account anymore, so dont even bother checkin!! lol... well yeah, have fun!! It might seem boring in the beginning, but i'm telling you, its going to get VERY interesting!! lol~~ luv LJ

**[[ Chapter 1- We're off to see the Foreteller ]]**__

Mithros save me, thought Neal as he shut the wooden door behind him. _What Have I gotten myself into this Time? _All he'd wanted was a simple answer; just a mere confirmation of something that, just an hour ago, he was almost CERTAIN was what he wanted. Now he wasn't so sure. _Good one Queenscove. Just when you think you know exactly how your life is going to be, you have to go and screw things up again_, he told himself silently. When the thought first occurred to him, it had seemed like a good idea. He'd always loved going to foretellers, and it was really just for fun, since he knew that he loved Yuki to death. Asking a foreteller whether or not he should propose to Yuki shouldn't have been any different. But oh, how it was. He recalled how confused he had been when he had first heard what the foreteller had to say. Well, at least even more confused than he was now.

_"There's something in your heart, that you have been trying to hide from for sometime, Neal. I can see it there, buried so deep that you almost fooled yourself into thinking that you could shut it out and forget about it. I know you might be confused now, my dear boy, but in time, with patience, you will come to understand what it is. You love Yukimi, deeply, I can see, but there is someone else in your heart. Think about it. Please consider my words before you pledge yourself to the one whom you wished to consult me about today."_

What did she mean? There couldn't possibly be someone else that he held closer to him than Yuki! He loved Yuki with his heart, his soul… right? It was what he'd always wanted, a fine Yamani Court lady, one who shared his passion for romance, who loved him back with all her…

"Neal! Wait up!" shouted a voice behind him, breaking his train of thought. Neal sighed. He didn't have time for friendly chit-chat at the moment, and frankly, he wasn't in the mood. About to wave the person away, he turned around and opened his mouth, about to douse whoever it was with a strong dose of sarcasm. Someone had said before that he had the ability to make someone punch him just for saying hello and, secretly, he rather prided himself on his talent. "Why Sir Meathead, don't YOU look a little annoyed to see your best friend today," commented Kel cheerfully. She was dressed in her normal breeches, although in her right hand she held her jousting lance. Glancing to his left, he saw Peachblossom standing lazily about next to the quintain dummy practice court yards. "No, not really Kel, just a little occupied lately, trying to brace myself for another one of your painfully cheery speeches." Neal drawled absently, he didn't feel like talking to his long-time friend, she was much too happy for his taste at the moment. 

"My, aren't we feeling a little vegetable deprived. Anyway, I wouldn't have bothered to come over halfway through practice, but Yuki told me to tell you that she's expecting you to be back by late afternoon so that you can get ready for the next week. She's just gone to pick up your clothes and run some errands now." Kel informed him, looking over behind her should to make sure that Peachblossom was behaving. He bared his teeth and blew a wad of spit out at Neal. "Thanks Kel, you've been SO informative, now I'll just run along now so you can continue poking the poor dummies with that enormous toothpick of yours, while I can cleanse myself of your beloved monstrosity's spag", and with that, he trotted off down the footpath.


	2. Ch 2 The Day You Went Away

Disclaimer: Since this plot is half LJs, she can bash you up if you copy it, cos I can't be bothered. But be warned....she slaps...HARD!!!! Oh, and yeah, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't sue me, cos its not like I have any money, from writing this or anything else.....

**[[ Chapter 2- The day you went Away ]]**

"Hey, Theres not a cloud in the sky,  
It's as blue as your blue goodbye  
And I thought that It would rain  
On a day like today..."

_~ Wendy Matthews || "The Day You Went Away"_

Pushing Peachblossom into a trot, Kel wondered what exactly had been wrong with Neal lately. He'd been acting so, well, down right wierd really. 

'Oh well' Kel reasoned, feeling a wave of sadness wash over her 'it's probably just....the Dom thing' 

Kel sighed and lined Peachblossom up facing the target. It wasn't fair. Why did someone so young, so happy with himself and his life, die before he even had a chance to live life to the full? And why did he have to do it in a way so that Neal could blame it on himself? 

Kel could still remember when the letter had arrived, by private courier no less, In Neals rooms. The way he'd come bursting through her door, in the middle of the night, such a beautiful night, and yet Kel hadn't been able to sleep. It had been hot, she remembered that, but not unbearably so, just warm enough to be nice, such a sunny day, a great day for doing anything, until Neal had burst in. He'd been crying, Kel had never seen Neal cry before, it was kind of strange really. Cocky, confident Neal, running through the halls bawling. Kel remembered her own surprise clearly, 

"Neal?" she'd said, trying not to stare at him to much "Neal, what's up!" 

"Gods Kel, didn't they send you one of these bloody letters?" he'd replied, screaming, refusing to look her in the eye. 

"No, Neal, I haven't got any letters...should I have?" She'd asked confused, she was half thinking about calling the local mental hospital, and half thinking about giving him an hug, but decided that both would probably be inappropriate since he was courting one of her close friends. 

"YES YOU BLOODY SHOULD HAVE!!! Oh for Gods sake" he'd sobbed "Read mine, then you can blame me to" 

Kel just stared at him, openly now although he didn't seem to care, where was the sarcastic comment? The sly insult? Kel meekly took the letter and..... 

Peachblossom suddenly let out a high pitched, glass shattering whinny. Kel's mind jerked from her memories and onto the task at hand. Even so, she only just managed to get her lance up high enough in time to avoid a buffeting from the sandbag. 

Riding out of the practice ring, she scolded herself, imagine going off in a daze like that while charging? What if she'd done that in a war? What then? She could have injured hundreds of her own men or got herself killed. But then, her brain had seemed to be doing a lot more wandering than usual lately, and quite frankly it scared her, because most of the 'wandering' had occurred in relation to Neal. Not in an unchaste way, but still, it worried her... 

Kel sighed and pulled Peachblossom into the stables for his rub down. There was no point in worrying about her own feelings now. She'd just have to find out what was worrying Neal and help him get rid of it, whatever it was. Just like a Best Friend would do. 

Note the word 'Friend.' 


	3. Ch 3 Not ready or not Willing?

Hi Guys! Well.. this chapter onwards is not included in the same fic thats on my other account.. so yeah... don't even bother checking that one because the rest aint there.... so yeah... its all going to be in this account now... anyways... how do you like it so far... well here it is!!! The long awaited 3rd Installment!!! hehehe...

**[[ Chapter 3- Commitment ]]**

"Don't Misunderstand  
You're the perfect man  
But I'm not ready to go  
And settle down with you"

_ Lucy Woodward "Trust Me (You don't wanna see this)"_

Neal could hear nothing but his footsteps shuffling depressingly down the hallway. All the thoughts and confusion swimming in his head had got him in a rather irritated mood. He thought back to his conversation with Kel. Even though she had acted as normal as possible, he could still feel the awkwardness between the two of them. It was not only her though, although it was most uncomfortable with her. He had distanced himself deliberately from his friends, ever since the Incident. Everyone told him that it wasn't his fault, that Dom had died fighting for his life in the war.

But is was. Oh how it was. Nobody knew though, not even Kel. Especially not Kel. Dom had died fighting in the war not because he was a poor fighter, but because he had been distracted, mentally. Neal could still remember the way he had furiously fought with Dom, just before his cousin had gone to fight. He frowned, guilt clouding his eyes. Why had he yelled at him like that? Why had he even involved himself into matters that didn't concern him!?! What Dom and Kel were doing did not affect him. So Why!?!?! Why had it sent him off the roof? He had gotten over his silly schoolboy crush for Kel ages ago, before he had gone through his Ordeal of Knighthood.

Neal sighed loudly with regret. He had never got the chance to tell Dom how much he cared about him, how he was not only a cousin, but a good friend to him. Instead, his last conversation with him was a heated debacle, with him objecting to Dom's suggestion of proposing to Kel and leaving the King's Own. He had said that Kel wasn't ready, that he shouldn't sacrifice his duty to the country in order to marry Kel. The argument had continued, with Dom accusing Neal of still having feelings for her.

That was ridiculous, Kel was just his best friend, he only had her best interests at heart. He'd told Dom that, outraged at the fact that he would even suggest that, since that meant he was also leading Yuki on. He wasn't, and he'd made sure that Dom got THAT message. But Dom had just looked him in the eye, and proclaimed with an un-nerving determination in his voice that he loved Kel, and he was going to marry her, and Neal was too late.

Neal had gawped disbelieving that despite all his efforts to explain otherwise, he still thought that he might like Kel as more than a friend. Realising that he could not talk his cousin around, he had let out a final anguished cry and stormed out of the room, his blood boiling.

By now, a tear had formed at the corner of Neal's right eye. He rarely ever cried, it was too unmanly, but Dom was the one thing that he shed tears over. Raising his hand, he wiped it away and blinked, sniffing before straightening his back to banish all evidence of sorrow and tears. He twisted the shiny brass doorknob to the room that he and Yuki shared and entered, confident that if she questioned him about his whereabouts that day, he would have a reasonable story.

Relieved to be back in the comfort of his own home, he slouched against the chair at his desk, starting to feel drowsy. He heard someone come up behind him, and opened his eyes and spun around to find Yuki there, looking up at him with her almond eyes and a serious expression on her face.

"Neal, we need to talk.." She began, nervously. He shifted, a pained expression washing over his face. Neal knew what was coming. Anything that a woman said that started with 'We need to talk' was a VERY bad thing. But he knew that this conversation was unavoidable, especially when it was long since due. "Umm... yeah, OK" He replied, and nodded reluctantly before following her into the main room of their dwelling.

"So, what do we need to talk about?" He asked, giving her what he hoped looked like an encouraging look. 

"Well, You know that we have been together for 3 and a half years now... Neal, do you love me?" She asked abruptly, her face blank but her eyes focused intently on her face. Neal immediately replied with "Of course I do Yuki! Why would you even have to ask!", almost too hurriedly. A fleeting moment of suspicion swept across her face as her eyes crinkled, but she dismissed it and smiled at him. "I knew you did. I'm sorry... Its just that I want to know where this is going. I want you to settle down and make a commitment to me. At least then I'll know where we stand" She explained.

Neal had seen this coming from miles away. Every girl wanted to settle down and have a family with kids. In fact, he himself had a standard speech that he used on all the previous court ladies he had courted through the years. But never had he been with someone for so long... _What if Yuki is my last chance? What if I grow up to be a grey-haired knight with basic healing gift and no family?_ He really wanted to propose to her, to assure her that he loved her and stay by her side until he died, but something inside him was stopping him from doing so.

"Yuki... I don't think I'm ready to well... marry you yet. It's not that I don't love you enough... really, it isn't. It's just that things that have been happening lately... it's just... too much to deal with at the moment. I need some space..." he tried to explain in the gentlest way he knew. He put on his most honest look, hoping that she'd take it that he meant his problem with Dom and denied to himself that he was doing anything wrong. Yuki looked right into his eyes, but she didn't object and nodded with her mouth set in a grim line.

"It's OK. I understand. Things must be... hard for you at the moment". He could see the sympathy in her eyes as well as understanding. _But she has no idea in reality, _he thought. But even though he was glad that Yuki just accepted his excuse without complicating things, he couldn't help thinking that Kel would have been able to tell he was lying. That she knew him better than the person who was supposed to love him. 

_Are you out of your MIND Queenscove? Thinking about your best friend while your supposed to be in a meaningful conversation with your bride-to-be? _he scolded himself for thinking such thoughts about his platonic best friend. Neal looked around the room and realised that while he had been thinking about Kel, an awkward silence between the two had formed. Bringing his eyes back to look at Yuki, she saw her open her mouth to say something else but hesitate and decide against it. Standing up, she smiled and said, "I'm going to the practise courts to do some glaive training in the morning... are you going to come?". When Neal had first started courting Yuki, he would rise at dawn and watch her practice with her glaive, to prove that he loved her and would even wake up early for her. Since then, it had become tradition for Neal to watch her as she practiced the intricate pattern dances in the training courts.

This time however, Neal didn't feel up to it. "Erm... well, I would really really like to, but I uh... promised Kel that I'd go with her to do something. I forgot what it was, but it was really important to her. I'm sorry. I really am" he knew that he sounded completely bogus, but he couldn't help it, he never was a good liar. The disappointment that was clearly written across her face made him guilty, so he added quickly, "But I promise the day after tomorrow I'll be there and take you to the city or something. How about that?".

This seemed to brighten her up a little, and she replied "Yeah, that sounds great. I'll see you at dinner then. Bye Neal!" before walking gracefully out the door. Or as graceful as you could be with a tight kimono wrapped around you.

He sat there and watched her go, biting his lip. After the brush off that he gave Kel earlier that day, how was he gonna convince her to do something with him for this evening now? 


	4. Ch 4 Sir Nealan, and other mysteries of...

Hey guys!!! See, I'm a good girl, I'm putting my chapter up nice and promptly after LJ's done hers! Don't you all love me? Don't u all think I deserve a MEDAL???

Ok, that was annoying. I didn't write anything at the beginning of my last chapter. Just a disclaimer. Wow, what a loser I am. Yes I know that wasn't proper grammar, I'm writing u guys a fanfic with grammar, so it can have a rest for a moment. Please note that I do actually have my own account, (Rogue Wildmage. Plz check it out) and I'm very sad because I posted up a chapter of my own fic the other day and NO-ONE has reviewed it yet! L It's very sad!!! So please check it out, and review so I can keep writing. It really is quite depressing not to get ANY reviews.

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, dun copy da fic, blah blah blah…you know the deal. No I don't own the characters, though I would like to own Neal (as his usual sarcastic self of course, not as his loser self that is him in this fic)

[[Chapter 4 – Sir Nealan, and other mysteries of the world]]

Seems I'm lost in my reflection,

Find a star for my direction,

For the little girl inside,

Who won't just hide,

Don't let me see mistakes and lies,

Let me, keep my,

Faith in innocent eyes…

  
_Delta Goodrem "Innocent eyes"_

Kel was dancing. She didn't dance much. Being a lady knight she was rarely invited to. However when she did, she usually felt about as graceful as a dying stormwing.

But this was different. This felt…beautiful. She felt an odd stirring in her heart that she recognised. Like it was an old friend, familiar, but unfamiliar, known….but forgotten. She just wasn't sure what to make of it anymore, yet she knew somehow that once it had been as natural to her as breathing.

She looked down and saw she was dressed in green, in a light, dainty fabric that somehow seemed part of her as she swayed. The music ebbed and flowed, filled her and satisfied her. All in all it was an odd feeling, and yet she liked it. She just wanted to feel this way forever.

Suddenly she started to spin again, but with more purpose this time, as though to a destination, and suddenly she heard a voice calling her name, soft and insistent, just as she glimpsed those eyes….those beautiful green eyes…

"Kel" a voice hissed loudly, jerking her awake. Opening her eyes, she found her nose about three inches away from Neal's. It was quite disturbing, she didn't know what it was, but she assumed it was the eyes. They were…entrancing…she could sit here and stare at them forever…she didn't need anything else…his eyes made her feel-

"Kel" Neal whispered, waving a hand over her face. Kel blinked and realised what she had just thought. Groaning silently to herself, she sat up and swung her legs out of the bed, watching as Neal moved his band from beside her and plonked himself down on her bed. Just for a moment it reminded her of old times, of when they were pages, back then they had spent hours in her rooms talking together. Then they had grown up and Yuki had begun to take up all of Neal's time. Why had he picked today to take a stroll down memory lane?

Glancing out of her window as she crossed the room to her dresser Kel noticed that light was already streaming through her window. She had overslept. Must have been that dream she was having. But what had happened in the dream? She strained her brain but couldn't remember. 'It was a nice dream though' she mused 'if only I could remember…' her thoughts trailed of as she looked over to Neal, who was sitting cross legged on her bed and looking at her with a dreamy look on his face.

"What?" she asked, in what she hoped wasn't an angry tone. She wasn't angry at him. Just curious. Curious as to why he was in her rooms. Curious as to why he wasn't with Yuki, and curious as to why he didn't seem to want to talk. She knew he wasn't a morning person, and she was happy to be there for him, especially so soon after his cousins death, but she would have though, with his love of talking, he would have offered some sort of an explanation by now…

"Kel" he began in a measured please-don't-ask-questions kind of way "What would you do if you'd been dating a guy for a while, say a few years even…and he told you…told you… he didn't want to marry you?"

Kel was taken aback. What kind of a…? Who did he…? Why was he…?

"Well..." she mumbled, pulling on her Yamani mask as quickly as she could. "I guess I'd…" Kel struggled for control. She couldn't let this be like old times. She had to control herself. She couldn't just say…

"You'd hate him, wouldn't you?" he asked, looking pained. She could see in his eyes that this story wasn't altogether hypothetical.

"Well…well yes..." she said, looking him straight in the eyes. They were such beautiful eyes. She felt that feeling coming over her again. That…spell…it was in a way something about his eyes was truly hypnotic.

"Ok" said Neal, looking at the ground. Kel eyed him suspiciously. She was fairly sure he hadn't woken her up just for that. He wasn't the type of guy that would start rumours over 'hypothetical questions.' She knew he cared about her reputation. Or he used to.

"So Kel," he asked, apparently having decided that particular (rather uncomfortable) conversation was over. "What are you doing today?"

Kel stepped into Lalasa's shop, Neal following behind her.

"I can't believe you're taking me to a dress fitting!" groaned Neal. Kel grinned. She loved it that he felt he could moan at her again. Kel giggled at how stupid that thought had sounded, even to herself.

"Well you did say you'd do anything I was doing" she grinned. Turning around, she saw that Neal was smiling too. The first real smile she'd seen of him since Dom died. Seeing him smile only made her happier. Maybe he'd be ok after all.

The carriage ride over had also been positive, for the first time in a year, Kel had really had a chance to talk to her best friend. He'd been himself, and they had talked and laughed. It seemed stupid as Kel thought it, but for her, right now, it was a big deal.

"Yeah…" He whined "But I didn't think you'd be doing this! Can't you reschedule the appointment or something?"

Kel turned around to face him with a sarcastic look on his face. Geez boys could be stupid sometimes. "Do you know how hard these appointments are to get?" she asked.

"Ummmm…No?" he said.

Kel rolled her eyes and continued on into the shop. She wouldn't even be here if Lalasa hadn't bribed her.

"You still don't have a man in your life, my lady" she had begged "and you've done so much for me, let me make you a beautiful dress! Maybe you'll meet some nice men at the ball?"

She'd seemed so keen on the idea that Kel had finally given in.

_ Calm down,_ she told herself _just so long as she doesn't make me wear a corset, it will all be ok._


	5. Ch 5 Something about the way you look

wEll well well... what better way to mark the comeback of LJ4Neal by adding one more chapter to her joint fic? 3rd fiction posted in 3 days... i'm proud of myself! So everyone, look out for my other fics in my other account, LJ4Neal... but be forewarned... they are all completely KEL NEAL based... because i'm a weerdo and i kan only seem to find motivation to write Kel Neal fics... unless of course someone asks me to rite a fic for them... HehhEHe... But anyways, please read and review, and we will keep on writing this!! haha, thank you all so0o0o0o much, for waiting patiently and everything. You have no idea how much reviews mean to us, and its basically what keeps us writing... so yeah...

On Jill's (Rogue Wildmage) behalf, We love you all! ENJOY!!! Lil Jay

A/N: Emphasized words are in capital letters because I have reserved italics for thoughts. Thankyou!

RoseGoddess9- In squire, Daine and Numair live together in the palace, even though they weren't married yet in that book...

**Chapter 5**** - Something about the way you look**

**And I can't explain  
But there's something about the way  
You look tonight  
Takes my breath away  
It's that feeling I get about you**

**Deep inside  
And I can't describe**

**But it's something about the way**

**You look tonight**

**Takes my breath away**

**The way you look tonight**

**  
  
Elton John – Something about the way you look tonight.**

Sir Nealan was sat staring at the window, thinking about the number of people he would gladly murder for something to do other than this. The carriage ride here had been well enough, and for some reason Kel's presence around him had been able to make him relax for the first time ever since... ever since... well, a year ago really. But this place, this was the living, thriving reality of hell! The place didn't even have a mirror for him to stare at himself with, and it was called a dressmaker's shop! HAH!

Well, technically, there was one, in the dressing room, but Kel was in there currently changing into some pre-lalasa-made dress, and unless he was going to look at the mirror there while she was changing...

He felt himself blush crimson. Imagine thinking something like that for... for... KEL! His best friend. Something has been seriously wrong with him these past few days. Maybe Dom's death had caused him to suffer from mental trauma and damaged some of the tissue in his brain. He shook his head, trying to get the lasting impressions of the x-rated images of Kel from his mind.

"So... How do I look?" He heard a voice behind him ask, a nervous edge to it. Neal turned around, already curious. He rarely ever got to hear Kel sounding nervous, even when she knew what was at stake when they were defending New Hope back then. When Dom was there.

_In the name of the Goddess..._ Neal thought. His jaw had dropped wide open, if it went any lower it would have hit the floor. Because standing there wasn't Kel- The Yamani Lump of a Sexless best friend. Oh no, far from it. _Very very far from it_, he thought again. Instead, a Hazel-Eyed Woman stood there, her defiant boy-like stance trying to overcompensate for the fact that she currently adorned an extremely low-cut purple dress, made out of such a light satin material, that the hem seemed to float as it rested in wavy ring around her. The top half hugged all her curves in the most appropriate places, Neal couldn't help noticing. And he DEFINITELY couldn't deny that the corset, that was evidently making her feel extremely uncomfortable, wasn't helping at all. Lalasa had done well. She'd done EXTREMELY well...

From the way that Kel hastily crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him in a death glare, he realised that he'd obviously not said anything for a tad too long. Once again, he could feel himself turning a bright shade of red, for being caught out looking at and thinking things that he most probably shouldn't have been thinking/looking at.

Neal widened his eyes, trying to convey the very picture of innocence. "I think you look great Kel... it's so... umm... feminine", _And absolutely stunning_, a voice inside his head couldn't help adding silently. UGH! No! Can't think like that! But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny that it was completely breath-taking.

"_That's_ all you have to say about it? Do you have any idea how much pain this thing is inflicting upon me?!?! And it just looks _feminine?_" Kel's eyes flashed at him. Okay, obviously his response wasn't adequate enough. Time to switch back to old Neal and go for sarcasm.

"Fine. Oh! The beauty and the radiance that emanates from your wondrous self is more illuminating than the sun that shines upon my- OUCH!" He yelped, attempting to defend himself from Kel as she whacked him across the head.

"Give a woman what she wants and she exacts bodily harm..." he muttered under his breath. Kel seemed to have heard him and pinched him on the arm.

"OUCH! Sorry! Sorry! I was only being sarcastic! Do you have a problem with that?" he said._ Except that you weren't, _he thought. _Being sarcastic that is_. Because the truth was, he couldn't seem to take his eyes off her, she was that beautiful.

And that really, was the bigger problem.


	6. Ch 6 Good 'ol memory lane

Chapter Six: Good 'ol Memory Lane

Ok, much as this chappie doesn't actually get to the ball, it think its one of my finer works, especially since I am using Kel's character and we are working with, you know, the stereotypical KelNeal ball idea here. Personally, I think I've done pretty well all things considered, but I still gotta check with LJ before I post this chappie. Just so you guys all know, after I'm done with this chapter, me and LJ are both going to go back and edit all the other chapters, (Yes, LJ, we are) cos u noe, since we never had a plan for this story (I made up "the Dom thing" as I wrote it, the only thing we knew was going to happen was the ball) its kinda screwed, especially the first chapter, cos LJ kinda didn't know Dom was dead yet, and the fourth chapter, which just plain sux. So yeah, when u check for the next chappie, u mite wanna reread the rest of the fic too, I think u'll be very pleasantly surprised!!!

JiLL

p.s. **_Review dammit..._** or LJ will stomp on your foot in her horrible chunky shoes

Disclaimer: I'm not Tamora Pierce, and unless there's A LOT she's not telling me, neither is LJ. Plz dun steal the plot. Go steal it of one of the other 225 million KELNEAL fans who've written a "Kel gets ready for the ball scene"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It didn't strike Kel until much, much later that perhaps, despite the tragedy that Doms death had been, it was meant to be. In fact, nothing of the sort occurred to her until years later, long after the ball that marked a half-year since his death. To suggest anything of the sort to Kel until years later would have earned you an intimate discussion with her glaive, but, once the grief had finally passed, she often reflected that her life would have been very different without it.

But even as Kel got ready in her rooms on the night of the courts latest ball, she could not, would not have denied that Doms death did have a remarkable effect on her lifestyle. Despite the fact that Dom had been both her friend and her love, what she went through the days after the letter arrived was not any one of the stages of grief. No, her thoughts were much deeper than that of someone who had lost a soul mate. Although it was through the assumption, by Kel, and everyone else in the palace, that the loss of someone such as Dom, (who would probably shortly have become her fiancé, or at least her lover, had he not died) would constitute days in her rooms mourning his memory, that she ever had a chance to really understand her thoughts at all. And it was in these days that Kel discovered what her subconscious had been in some way aware of for years: That her job was a very dangerous one.

Having never really known a knight who had died in war, she had, up until those long days in her room, shoved the possibility to the back of her mind. Of course, there was fear when she battled, but it was based more on challenge and excitement than on a true understanding of what she was doing. It was in these lonely days, sometime between much prayer, thought and tears, that Kel had decided to live for the moment.

Or at least, more than she was anyway, no need to get drunk every night or invest in a corset, but perhaps, if she, in some small ways, tried to make her life a little better, more like she wanted, while it lasted, she could, in some small way, make Doms death seem a little more worthwhile.

But, standing in front of her mirror and inspecting herself an hour before the ball was due to start, she considered that perhaps this was taking the whole thing a little too far. As she was she hardly recognised herself, she felt like the ugly duckling, who, after years of assuming he was a duck, discovered he was a swan after all. The floaty sleeves of the dress covered almost all of the muscle she had built up over her years of training, and its long, light skirt tickled her bare ankles and made her feel very girly. The corset helped the dress to hug her curves, and, - although she was having a little trouble breathing - wasn't quite as uncomfortable as she'd thought it would be.

Kel laughed as she discovered she was unable to stop staring at herself in the mirror. She liked the way she felt in the dress, girly, risky and free. For a long time now she had felt like she was being what she had to be, the childlike tomboy afraid of boys in a romantic setting. But in this dress...well, it was a long shot, but perhaps she'd at least get asked to dance.

All of a sudden there was a knock at her door. Not having Lalasa around to perform such services for her nowadays, Kel tore herself away from the mirror and walked across the room to open the door, wondering who on earth could be calling on her so soon before the ball. She had given it a good deal of thought, but had decided to attend the ball unaccompanied, mainly so that the court gossips would see that, even though she did not wear black for Dom, she at least respected his memory by waiting to court anyone else. _So who would be at my door at such an odd time?_ She thought to herself. Weary of anyone being at the door after 'the Dom incident' she hesitated a few seconds before opening the handle.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Owen had been looking forward to the midwinter ball for weeks. Now that he was no longer required to wait on other people he found that it was one of the most enjoyable events on his social Calender.

Still, despite his lack of nerves, and his knowledge that he was more than old enough to dress himself nowadays, he had decided, on a whim, to call upon his pagehood friends and give Kel a little surprise. After all, who didn't love a little trip down memory lane once in a while? And besides, ever since Dom's death, Kel had always seemed as though she could use a bit of cheering up.

So Owen had planned the whole thing, he'd visited the whole gang (except Cleon, who had decided to spend midwinter with his new wife and baby) and asked them to be part of Kel's tenth annual midwinter inspection.

Unfortunately though, destiny ruins all the best plans, and it seemed that all the former pages except for Owen, Merric and Faleron, had been bullied into meeting their wives/lovers/should be wives (A/N: Take note Neal) long before the ball started. _Still_ Owen through to himself _It's the thought that jolly well counts. _

However, as the three friends stood, waiting cheerily outside Kel's door on the night of the ball, Owen began to realise it was probably not the best idea in the world. Kel hardly ever attended balls - insisting that she hated dressing up and that no-one would miss her anyway - and Owen feared they would quite likely find her crying into her pillow (after all, only mere months had passed since the death of her love), or just mysteriously absent.

But as the door opened, Owen discovered just how wrong he was...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kel wrenched the door open, revealing the three familiar faces that stood in the corridor. Unfortunately though, when they saw her, they didn't seem to find her all that familiar, at least, not as a friend or a former year-mate. _No, the looks these boys are giving me are a lot more than friendly_, she thought to herself. Faleron's mouth had dropped open, Merric's face had gone as red as his hair, and it was only Owen who didn't seem to have a problem with the situation.

"See" he said, almost proudly to the others "I told you she was a real girl"

Kel looked down at her dress. She knew that Lalasa would never have made her anything too revealing, but the neckline seemed a lot lower from her new angle. Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea, after all, she had never like balls, and she had never really intended to change her life THIS drastically...

_There's nothing you could do about it now, Mindelan _she thought to herself _You've made your bed, now lie in it. _She had nothing else to wear to the ball, and if she backed out now she'd look like a fool. _Besides, _she thought to herself _maybe it will make Neal notice me a bit more...in a friendly way of course. _Kel wondered at her own thought _how could cleavage make Neal notice me in a friendly way? _

Deciding not to read any further into her possibly perverse thought, Kel merely turned to the boys. Faleron still had his mouth open. Kel privately thought he looked like a stunned fish.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to stare?" she asked him matter-of-factly. Faleron promptly closed his mouth and commenced looking everywhere but at Kel. "So," she began again, addressing them all this time "Do you want to come in and be inspected? Or stand out in the hall all night?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

So. That's it. Now REVIEW!!!


End file.
